There is so much shame and guilt associated with female sexuality, and I believe shedding it is a really important step in empowering ourselves.
So this month, I decided to get a bit more connected to the centre of my sexual energy: my vagina!
I had my first yoni massage ever.
If you don't know what that is, Google it immediately.
Before the practitioner arrived, I told my partner I was nervous and he asked me what type of nervous. "The 'I'm paying a stranger to massage my genitals' type".
I only just started dabbling into tantric sexuality practices about a year ago, and I've attended a few workshops and have been doing exercises with my jade egg for a while. I've definitely become more connected to my body and me general well-being has improved a lot, but lately I felt a bit stuck...
I'd heard about yoni massages in some of the workshops, and I heard it could make me cry from bringing up some past sexual trauma, or I could have crazy orgasms, or have a transcendental experience. I just wanted to try something new to help me release some tension and shame around that area, and I didn't have any expectations about what I'd actually feel.
The practitioner that came to my house was incredible. She made me feel really comfortable although I hadn't met her before, she just had an awesome calm vibe and she really knew what she was doing. She first massaged my whole body, and then the outer area of my vulva, and then the inside. She described what she was doing along the way, which was great because it helped me improve the mental map of where everything is down there.
I find it hard to describe the experience without going on an airy-fairy tangent, but I actually felt like I was in some strange trance... It was like that place just before I fall asleep, when I'm neither conscious nor unconscious... When it finished I felt very high and my body was tingling and full of bliss.
After she left I laid in my bed for ages starring at the sunlight shimmering in the tree branches outside my window. Later on I got up and smashed through some of my work, and I made love. Things felt very different, I actually felt light and relaxed and I could feel I was more aware of sensations.
The last few days since the massage have felt fabulous. I feel a great creative flow, I'm doing a lot of art that I'm really happy with and getting a lot of work done, it's like creativity is just pouring out of me. I still feel really "aware" of my vagina when I'm going through my day, IDK, it's as if it was asleep and now it's waken up again. This has highlited to me how much everything in my life is connected: when I feel healthy and connected to my body I make my best artwork. Looking after myself is as important for my work as putting the paint on the canvas...
I got my blossom illustrations published on FEMS zine!
Coincidentally, some of my vaginal flower illustrations were featured on the second issue of FEMS zine ("Females for Equality Making Stuff") last month. They are all about cherishing our sexuality and our bodies, and it was nice to see them published in such a cool little booklet packed with awesome feminist writing and art...
... & I got a new piece of beauty to inspire me in my studio
My partner gifted me a new luscious orchid. It's sitting in my studio table, reminding me I must nurture myself so I can blossom into splendour.