Change of vision
This week I got myself a new pair of glasses & a new direction for my creative work. They're both making me kinda dizzy.
When i first put on my new glasses the change in lenses made my head spin. The world was so much sharper and clearer, I wasn't used to it. I think the same thing happened last weekend when I made the decision to be more committed to my own personal art this year. I could see clearly what I need to do, but it was all kinda daunting and making me feel like I had to sit down...
I have been working full-time with another artist, Chuck, since 2013, and it has been wonderful but really challenging too. We've supported each other and done incredible things together. However, as much as I love our partnership to bits, it is going in a direction which I feel is not really suited to my art anymore. We are doing mostly mural work in themes and styles that don't really suit my skills and expression... Since Chuck is a graffiti artist, we've created a good platform for his work and skills, but not mine.
I am super grateful and happy with what I have going on, but I feel strongly that if I don't take charge of my creative direction I'll get lost in doing work I'm not that good at in projects I don't really enjoy. Nothing wrong with that: but if that's what I was after I'd get a job instead of going through all the stress and madness of being self-employed in the arts.
Forget that though. The real reason why I am committing to doing my own work in 2016, is because I've realised that maybe a partnership isn't the best way for me to create all the time. And I realised that the real reason why I have been pouring all my energy into working with someone else is because I am scared of working alone. I am afraid that my work as an individual isn't good enough because I am too young and inexperienced. That I am not enough on my own, and I need another creative next to me to be able to present myself to the world. That if I just do something by myself it'll suck and everyone will laugh at me and I'll forever be remembered as someone that only reached a small level of achievement because she dated the right person...
Obviously none of that is true, and I know that if I make the decision to pursue my own artistic career and put my all into it, I'll grow out of all that self-doubt bullshit.
So I did.
I'm not going to stop doing Mayfield Palace. Chuck and I we'll keep collaborating on a lot of projects and helping each other build something beautiful. However it's time I recognise my fears and face them. It's time to respect my creative gift and give it the commitment it deserves. Beyond a selfish point of view: growing stronger as an individual can only make my partnership stronger.
So I sat down and wrote like crazy over the weekend, designing a little business plan for 2016. I put my vision, my financial goals and my deadlines on paper and I've been reading it every morning. Breaking it up into small, achievable objectives has helped me chill out and it doesn't seem like such an overwhelming task anymore... I think I can do it. Watch this space to see it unfold.
THIS WEEK'S CREATIONS
Magnifying illustrations for my first book
I got myself a magnifying glass and it has made it so much easier to work on tiny details on my illustrations... I love making those really detailed and intricate images with colour pencils.
Life drawing session
My friend is a model and he invited us for a life-drawing session with him at Soma Gallery in Brunswick. I love life-drawing and need to do it more often.